I know I shouldn't want him to come so early, but I honestly just want him here safe and sound. We are ready for him!
I had my stress test yesterday and I got a little nervous. They always hook me up, have me lay on my side, drink some apple juice and then for the next 30 minutes they check to make sure his heart rate is normal which is usually between 140-165. They look for a few times where it goes up to the 160's because that shows normal activity. I started out laying down, but not on my side because thats what the nurse said. My doctor came in and had me move over to my side, just to get better readings because he kept moving to the other side of my belly and the monitor was having a hard time picking it up. Once I moved over to my side, his heart rate kinda dropped a bit to 135's. She didn't seem really concerned, but she kept checking it and saying that we should do an ultrasound to just double check he was doing ok in there. I didn't know if I should freak out or just relax.
Just before the ultrasound she shocked him, which made him jump instantly. She said that was good, he had a quick response and it got his heart rate going more, but man I almost wanted to cry. She startled my baby so much. Poor baby.
Luckily the ultrasound was great. They check to make sure there is enough fluids, which I had a lot (that's good), they check to see he is moving (he was practicing breathing because we could see his lungs expand), they check the heart to make sure it looks like it is beating well and then we listen to it and the monitor can tell us if it is regular. So everything looked good, but then she changed my appointments from once a week non-stress tests to once a week ultrasound and then also once a week non-stress tests. That means I'll be in the office twice a week now just to make sure we are watching him closely. I couldn't decide if that made me feel more nervous or more relaxed. I felt more nervous because I was hoping all was perfect and there wouldn't need to be a change in thing because he is doing great. But now with the change does that mean he isn't doing good? Or if I should relax because now I get to go in more often to check up on him.
I think it didn't help that on top of a not smooth appointment, Spencer was out of town so I was feeling alone and scared. Luckily he gets back tonight, and I know he will help calm my nerves. He can also give me a blessing which I really would love.
Most of the time I just feel that he will get here safe and sound, but then there is that terrible fear that maybe something will happen. You honestly just never know and it is all out of my hands. I just have to change from praying about 50 times a day to 100! No, I know it will be ok, I just hate feeling stressed and nervous. Especially if we still have 5 more weeks to go. We'll see. I don't want her to take him early, but if they need to I'd be ok with 2 weeks or so early.
